As you have been making your journey in life to the Orthodox Church and faith, you have probably encountered in the lives of the saints miraculous things taking place: saints who, while praying, have been lifted off the face of the earth, drawn toward the heavens; saints who have walked on water; saints who have healed the sick; even saints who have raised the dead. You have probably wondered, “What has changed? Why don’t these things happen today?”
As you have taken up your cross to follow our Lord Jesus Christ, you have undoubtedly fallen short; and, as you confess your sins, you find that your confession is essentially the same as the one you previously made; and that one was like its predecessor, and so on. You have probably wondered, “Why can’t I change? Why are my sins the same today?”
We have reached the fifth Sunday in Great Lent, a day dedicated to St. Mary of Egypt. You are probably familiar with her life, which we read here in the church last Wednesday evening, with the Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete. She herself tells of her youth, and how she was given over to satisfying the passions of her flesh. There was no form of sexual indulgence that she would restrain herself from practicing; and she took delight in seducing others to join her in the same. This was her way of life until she was prevented from entering a church on the day of the Elevation of the Cross. Given a gift of insight, she repented of her sins, and having faith in the protection of the Most Holy Mother of God, she went into the desert.
We live in a desert. From what I can tell, the desert in the Holy Land is very similar to what you can see and experience here, once you’ve left the city behind, and gone out into the wilderness. There’s an incredible difference between being alone out there, and our life today. Think of all the distractions available to us: movies; television; books, magazines, newspapers, theaters, to name just a few. We are seldom alone; and even when we are, we usually turn to one of the many forms of entertainment available to us, so that we do not have to confront ourselves and our situation.
This is not how it was for St. Mary. No food, apart from what she could find in the desert; no clothing, as what she had worn when she fled to the desert turned to rags and fell away; no forms of entertainment to ease any boredom or to fill the empty hours; and no one to talk to except God Himself. So it was that she found her desires returning to her again and again, the urge to return to the way of life she had practiced prior to coming to the Cross. She fought these temptations with prayer, unceasing prayer, striking herself on her breast while recalling the vow she had made to the Theotokos; or falling prostrate on the ground with tears and prayer for the temptation to pass away – and not ceasing to weep and pray, even if it meant remaining where she was for a day and a night, until the desire to sin had departed from her, replaced by the peace of God, the calm after a storm.
This is not how it was for St. Mary. No food, apart from what she could find in the desert; no clothing, as what she had worn when she fled to the desert turned to rags and fell away; no forms of entertainment to ease any boredom or to fill the empty hours; and no one to talk to except God Himself. So it was that she found her desires returning to her again and again, the urge to return to the way of life she had practiced prior to coming to the Cross. She fought these temptations with prayer, unceasing prayer, striking herself on her breast while recalling the vow she had made to the Theotokos; or falling prostrate on the ground with tears and prayer for the temptation to pass away – and not ceasing to weep and pray, even if it meant remaining where she was for a day and a night, until the desire to sin had departed from her, replaced by the peace of God, the calm after a storm.
Who among us has done such battle against the passions? Think of how difficult it is for most of us to keep a simple rule of prayer, taking a few minutes during the day to be with God, to open to Him our hearts and minds. Think of how difficult it is to keep the fast; and how we will indulge ourselves with the glorious Pascha of our Lord. Think of how difficult it is for us to take a portion of what God has entrusted to us in material prosperity and give it away for the work of the church and to help those in need. Rather than confronting ourselves with the asceticism needed for us to become the masters of our passions, rather than the slave of our desires, we do not run to the desert: we run to those things that take our attention away from the kingdom of heaven, and bind ourselves ever more tightly to this world, and to our comfort and ease here.
We are about to start the final week of Great Lent this year. By the grace of God, there is still time for us to take steps toward the transformation of our being, to become a bit more ascetic in our life, to venture just a bit into the desert, leaving the world behind and drawing closer to God. Let us fast; let us pray; and let us ask God to accomplish our transformation from who we are today to being more and more in the likeness of His Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Holy mother Mary, pray for us!
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